Told her I need no contact in order to heal and move on.
I'm exhausted, bruised, confused, spinning.
Need to stand still for a while.
I've never felt so much fire for another person, never loved so deeply, never tried so hard. In the end, I couldn't do it. Couldn't make it work no matter what I did. There was nothing more I could do.
I'm not a punching bag. Can't be the sponge for her to vent her toxic anger. No need for me to repent for all the past sins of those who came before me. Can't make her feel worthy if she doesn't believe it. Shouldn't have to heal my partner.
Is it possible that the fireworks I felt for her were me finding myself, the puzzle piece finally clicking in place that I am gay, and that it may not have been her specifically?
Could it be that I projected all these super intense feelings onto my “catalyst” but it was really a reflection of what I was feeling internally, finally finding myself?
It doesn’t diminish her importance in my life or in this process, but it also doesn’t mean that she’s “the one.”
I've unchained myself. I'm walking away. I deserve better.
I really deserve better.
